Enough already! Leave it alone! You’re done!
Those are some things that I’ve had to keep telling myself as I seek an agent to represent my work. The novel is done. All 135,000 words of it. Finito.
And yet, I’ve found myself going back and starting to tinker with it… before giving myself a hard slap on the hand.
WTF!!! It’s been really irritating. Is the book not good? Am I doubting myself? Do I have OCD and just never realized it before?
The answer to all three questions is no. I have worked long and hard to to bring together the stories in Sorry for the Interruptions and I’m feeling proud (and relieved) about it. Sure, it’s taken me several revisions over many years and lots of patience, but it’s done now. I’ve actually pulled it off.
Hey, stop tinkering with your book!
Ok, great, but I haven’t been acting like it’s done. Ever since I started sending out queries to agents who excite me, I’ve been fighting this annoying desire to tweak and adjust. Then this morning it hit me. I finally realized what was going on.
Grief.
I’ve been working on this book for many years. Many. It’s been my boon companion. It’s never been far from my thoughts. And now it’s over. It’s ready to go out into the big beautiful world, and it reminds me of sending our kids to school on their first day. From our kitchen door to the sidewalk in front of school, we were constantly checking everything — shoes tied, flies zipped, hair fixed, lunch ready, nose wiped, pencils sharpened, etc.
It’s been that same reflex with Sorry for the Interruptions. I’ve wanted to make sure my little first-grader makes a good impression when he sees his teacher.
But this can’t go on. The kids have to face the world on their own; so does your book. Right? That’s when it’s time to understand that what you’re feeling is a form of grief. This relationship is over. But it’s also a sign that this relationship has been special. Real. Meaningful. It’s a validation of your worth as a storyteller. It’s a really important form of validation that you need to embrace before any agent or publisher comes along.
It would be worse to finish your book and feeling nothing at all.
Onwards, my dear friends.