The Artful Writing of Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer (I'm not kidding)

I don't know who's behind Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer, the Victoriana-inspired promo newspaper at the Trader Joe's checkout counter, but I would like to thank her ... him ... them.

Whoever is behind it knows a thing or two (and more than that) about how to balance the facts with a conversational tone that, sadly, is missing in so much social media writing today.

(Hey wait, am I inadvertently including myself in that judgment? Shoot, I am ... ok, fine.)

The Fearless Flyer offers plenty of punny, alliterative phrases ("boosting our cache of mash this season is Mashed Cauliflower..." "expert de-stringers declare that you can have seamless green beans in a snap") but look even closer than that.

The Flyer also delivers lore and history with an entertaining, encyclopedic, economical style that many writers can't do:

On asparagus--

Like participants in a regional game of Telephone, rural Englanders in the early 20th century mislabeled it "sparrow grass."  We're not exactly sure how they understood the bird connection, but asparagus stalks clearly imitate grass with their slender, green shoots.  No matter what it's been called throughout its extensive history (going back to at least ancient Egypt) it's undoubtedly been loved for its clean, bright flavor...

Sure, most people can tell gripping stories about cancer diagnoses or drug addiction, but asparagus?  Or maple roasted sweet potatoes?

Or this, about egg nog--

Long ago, people sipped their nog from a noggin ("nog" being a strong ale; noggin being a small drinking cup made from a hollowed-out, knotty outgrowth of a tree trunk).

Geez!  Did you know that?  I didn't know that!  I learned so much in just 30 words!

Or how about this bit of English lore that segues into a pie mix:

In English folklore, brownies are mythical spirits -- also called pixies -- that are said to live in attics or walls, and aid with household chores in secret.  With its ease of use, and the impressive results it achieves with minimal effort, we thought it only fitting to name Trader Joe's Sweet Potato & Marshmallow Pixie Pie Mix in honor of these hidden helpers.

That is really nice.

Sometimes, when you're writing an opening like this (in the newspaper biz), it can sound like too much of a stretch -- that you're trying too hard.  (I've done that ... and then my editor reduced my intricate, precious lead sentences to a simple subject-predicate format.)

That isn't true here:  The execution is light and easy like that pie mix (wow, the Flyer's style is infectious).

I suspect there's a former journalist lurking behind these unsigned works.  It takes years to develop a voice like this.  The tone of the Fearless Flyer is so consistent throughout that I feel it must be the work of just one person.  Or else there must be a single uber-editor going through these entries and giving them a thorough buff and polish to keep things uniform.

My point, my beloveds, is that the best writing isn't to be found in the usual places.  There are lessons to be found everywhere.

One of the simplest lessons is this:  the purpose of your writing shouldn't be New York Times bestseller-dom alone -- it should give you joy and bring joy to the people who find you, too.

The person(s) behind Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer obviously understand(s) that.

Onward, friends.

Ukraine's Complicated Roots, or, How to Almost Get Kicked Out of a Monastery

CAVE MONASTERY PASSAGEWAY: I’m kind of surprised to see this picture, supplied by Green Tours. The monk who wouldn’t let me in made it pretty clear that I’d get blasted by lightning bolts if I dared to take a photo. (Photo credit: https://greentourua.com/kiev-pechersk-lavra-ancient-cave-monastery/)

“[M]odern Ukraine is entirely the product of the Soviet era,” writes the Butcher of the Kremlin in his 2021 essay “On the Historical Unity of Russians and Ukrainians.” “We know and remember well that it was shaped—for a significant part—on the lands of historical Russia.”

Putin’s 5,000-word pile of horse shit argues that Ukrainians are just people who forgot they were Russian. He used it as one of many reasons for invading Ukraine.

I’m no scholar of Slavic history, but I know nonsense when I see it. Putin makes all kinds of claims connected with ancient Slavic history that are wrong. I went to my Dutton paperback Medieval Russia’s Epics, Chronicles, and Tales to see why someone with a hard-on for Russian imperialism would misunderstand the Slavic past.

The common heritage of many Slavs—especially the Ukrainians, Belarusians, and Russians—is an ancient kingdom called Kievan Rus, which once covered a massive part of present-day Eastern Europe. The book is a brilliant collection of pieces dating from the rise of Kievan Rus, and the old chronicles included in this book—like “The Lay of Igor’s Campaign”—unfortunately use “Russian” to describe the lands and peoples covered by this kingdom. Vlad the Simpleton probably thinks this term means the same thing as Russia today. It doesn’t.

Culture’s a complicated thing. The historical pressures and conflicts that create a people’s identity can’t be dismissed or trivialized, which Putin does repeatedly in his essay.

GOOD BUT MISLEADING: A great compendium of ancient chronicles, but you’ve got to remember that “Russian lands” doesn’t mean the same thing as Russia now.

Nothing’s ever taught me more about the complicated ancient heritage of the Slavs than visiting the Monastery of the Caves in Kiev. There’s a system of underground cells in which monks have lain in a mummified sleep for a thousand years. It dates to the Kievan Rus period, and it is breathtaking.

A young Russian Orthodox monk at the entrance was clearly pissed off when I walked up in a t-shirt and shorts. You don’t dress like a Disneyland tourist to enter the cradle of Slavic spirituality. Plus I’m a Roman Catholic and he really didn’t like that.

How did he know? He saw me kissing my little brown scapular in front of a painting of the Virgin Mary before he barred my way. He looked over at my father and Alexi, a retired Soviet Army officer who was hosting us, and complained.

“He’s not a member of the true faith! People like him are not welcome here!”

Alexi wanted me to see the sleeping monks, and he acted very fast. A first-class bullshitter, he told the monk that he and my father were were trying to show me the error of my ways, and that I’d come on a pilgrimage to join Russian Orthodox Christianity. Alexi really poured it on, and the monk—who was in his early 20s and had a very light, downy beard—-was so surprised and confused that he actually let me pass.

If he’d known my father was Greek Catholic and Alexi belonged to the Autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church, he would have lost his mind. The Russian Orthodox hate both (you’ll have to look up the reasons why yourself)—and the feeling is pretty mutual. It doesn’t matter what Putin argues—everyone has a separate claim to heritage like this. I had a visceral experience of it the minute the monk started scolding me.

It was cold down in the underground cells. I wished I’d worn long pants and a shirt with long sleeves. But I forgot about all that when I saw those mummy monks, waiting for Jesus to return and wake them. I hope a Russian missile doesn’t beat Him to it.

#freeukraine #Putinisawarcriminal

Does It Hold Together?

Maria Adelmann’s Lithub piece “11 Novels That Thwart Traditional Narrative Structure (to Brilliant Effect)” touches on a nagging question that yours truly (and I’m sure most other writers) think about all the time regarding their manuscripts: Does this thing actually hold together?

I spent more than a decade evolving a manuscript (which is just a really nice way of saying I revised the crap out of it) with several moving parts that I feared might be too much for readers. But Adelmann’s piece is a reminder that readers deserve more credit than they sometimes receive.

And she offers 11 examples of demanding books that are regarded as bestsellers, if not classics, and that readers have embraced over the years. Check it out here: it’s worth your time.

A troubling question every novelist faces.

I could go on about Adelmann’s marvelous insights (and I probably will in future posts), but I’ll just limit it to two responses. For now. Here they are.

1 Focus and voice

I may not be saying this very precisely, but what I’ve learned is that every manuscript works if these two qualities are present. When writers pack too many digressions into their stories (been there) because they don’t want to lose a drop of precious research (ditto), their books veer off course. Everything that you write, even in the digressions, should have a clear relationship to your main point. That’s the “focus” I’m talking about, and many writers achieve it by creating a distinctive style and tone that keeps the reader immersed even if some of the material, at first, doesn’t quite seem to fit.

That brings me to two titles I’d add to Adelmann’s list. Richard Flanagan’s (a nice bloke, btw) Death of a River Guide is a tour de force debut. The narrative structure he’s designed is, how do I put this? , friggen nuts. Aljaz Cosini, the narrator, is drowning, pinned in the rocks of a river. No one can reach him. The novel unfolds as the imaginings of his oxygen-starved mind. Cosini speaks in the first person, but shifts to third as he looks back on his life. At certain moments he brings us back to the present (and first person) before another vision pushes everything into third-person mode again.

Justin Cartwright’s Lion Heart gives us an account of Richard I’s experiences in the Holy Land along with the modern efforts of the main character, Richie Cathar, to research those experiences and learn what happened to the True Cross. At the same time, Richie has a disastrous love affair with someone that should have never happened (no spoiler here), she gets kidnapped, he gets involved in spycraft, has a mental breakdown, and struggles with the legacy of his deceased bohemian father. These situations alternate with Richard I’s adventures.

This book and Flanagan’s pass the test. They hold together. Why? Because the glue that works is the writer never loses focus, and the voice is so well-developed and concentrated that it carries the reader past any confusion. (That’s probably not the best way to explain it, and I’d make some Art of Fiction teacher cringe, but that’s all I got right now.)

2 Third party validation

If you can’t answer the “does it hold together?” question in a positive way, you need help. You need someone—friend, lover, colleague, hired hand—to read the story and tell you what they think. Sometimes, I’ve found, writers are so deep in the woods that they lose perspective on their narrative. Things seem evident because you’ve been working on them a long time—but what matters is, will these things be evident to someone who is probably only going to read your book once?

Friends, keep that in mind, and add your comments or reach out to me with any questions. Onward!

226 Days and Counting: Let's Not Forget Ukraine and Let's Keep Supporting Them

The Butcher of the Kremlin started his “special military operation” in Ukraine back in February and it hasn’t gone well.

Ukrainian forces are continuing to fight and push back the invaders —- but it comes with such a devastating price.

This post is a simple one, my friends. People continue to suffer in Ukraine, and each of us can still support the organizations that are helping them even with modest, small amounts. Taken together, all of these small amounts can make a big difference.

There are many options for giving, and I’m just going to share the ones my family has been supporting:

The org Razom focuses on things like medical supplies and democracy protection. It started in Kharkiv, which has had the hell bombed out of it . Someone who is involved with the organization as a significant partner is pictured at the top of this blog — Serhiy Zhadan, a badass poet and activist who is doing a lot to especially help the more vulnerable populations (children, the elderly) in the country’s east. Visit here to support Razom.

UNICEF is an old familiar name to most people, and because of its long history the org also has good in-country relationships and infrastructure (it doesn’t make much difference if you give to an org that can’t get supplies and aid to the people who need it the most). Visit here to support UNICEF efforts in Ukraine.

For obvious personal reasons I care a lot about journalists writing about the country. Two newspapers (in English editions) that are fighting Russian disinformation (and that could use support) are: Zabarona and The Kyiv Independent, which are giving as an accurate picture as possible of what is taking place on the ground.

 There are many other orgs out there to consult – like the International Red Cross, World Central Kitchen, MOAS, JDC – that you might choose by just googling. The important thing is to just do something.

Slava Ukraini.

#putinisawarcriminal

Surprise!!: Your Draft is a Zero

Hold on a minute. I didn't say the draft was terrible. I just said it was a "zero."

That is totally different ... and useful to understand.

I found this idea in the pages of the late great Peter Drucker, venerable founder of modern management, in his essay "Know Your Time."

That essay is about effective management, especially when it comes to how people manage themselves. At one point Drucker says that managers spend time writing "zero drafts" as part of the writing process ... and that idea is helpful for any writer to understand.

Very often (I am speaking from total experience here) what happens during the writing process is this: You come to the end of a draft, think you're done, and realize you're dissatisfied with the whole thing ... except for a few sentences near the end where things really started to fuse together and get interesting.

Instead of being done with the process, you realize, you're actually getting started. It just took 15,000-20,000 fricken words to get there.

That, my beloved friends, is your zero draft.

It doesn't mean the material is useless or valueless. On the contrary, it has IMMENSE value. It has helped you dump all those expectations and preconceived notions so that you're ready to produce something truly in your voice. (And plenty of that draft material will probably crop up again in your finished draft somewhere anyways-- you'll just use it in a different way).

On the road to finishing my first novel Sorry For The Interruptions, I probably created three zero drafts (maybe more, it's all a blur now). It was a long, painful apprenticeship. But I learned a lot. If you aren't sure if you're working with a zero draft or not, let me know. I can help.

The most important thing, don’t get frustrated or doubt yourself. You're on the right path. The result is going to be amazing ... and worth the extra sweat.

Keep going. You can do it.